How to Give Negative Feedback (in a Positive Way)

As a non-native English speaker, giving feedback—especially when it’s negative—can be intimidating. You might worry about the words you use, how they’ll be received, or if the conversation will create tension.

But feedback doesn’t have to be uncomfortable or confrontational. In fact, when done correctly, it can strengthen relationships, build trust, and inspire improvement.

Dale Carnegie’s “How to Win Friends and Influence People” offers invaluable strategies for delivering feedback in a way that’s respectful, constructive, and likely to be well-received.

Here are some key takeaways from Part 4 of the book, which focuses on how to give feedback without offending or causing resentment:

1. Begin with Praise and Honest Appreciation

Before diving into any critical feedback, start with genuine praise. Compliment something specific to the person’s work or behavior—this shows you value them and sets a positive tone for the conversation.

Example:
Instead of saying, “Why are you always late?” try, “Your punctuality has been great in the past, so I was surprised by the recent delays. Is there something we can do to help you get back on track?”

2. Call Attention to Mistakes Indirectly

A small but impactful change is using the word “and” instead of “but” when providing feedback. This subtle shift helps keep the conversation constructive by avoiding the feeling that the praise you’ve just given is being negated.

Example:
“You’ve been doing a great job with the project, and I think with a little more attention to deadlines, we can make even more progress.”

3. Talk About Your Own Mistakes First

It’s easier for someone to accept criticism if you show empathy by acknowledging your own past mistakes. This helps take the sting out of the feedback and reinforces the idea that learning and growth are part of everyone’s journey.

Example:
“When I started managing teams, I also struggled with keeping track of deadlines. Here’s what worked for me—maybe it could help you too.”

4. Ask Questions Instead of Giving Direct Orders

No one likes to feel like they’re being ordered around. Instead of telling someone what they should do, try asking questions that encourage them to come up with the solution themselves. This approach fosters collaboration and makes them feel more empowered.

Example:
“Do you think it would help if we adjusted the timeline for this task? How do you envision us moving forward?”

5. Let the Other Person Save Face

Always be mindful of ego and pride. Avoid giving feedback in front of others—it can embarrass the person and damage their confidence. Keep the conversation private and respectful to allow them to save face.

6. Praise Every Improvement

Motivate your team by recognizing even the smallest improvements. Consistent, sincere praise boosts confidence and encourages further growth.

Example:
“I’ve noticed you’re making a real effort to meet deadlines lately—it’s great to see, and I know it’s making a big difference!”

7. Give the Person a Reputation to Live Up To

When you speak to someone as if they’re already performing at a high level, they’ll be more motivated to live up to that reputation. Highlight their strengths and frame your feedback in a way that shows you believe in their potential.

Example:
“Your attention to detail has always been a strong point—I know you can apply that same level of focus to these upcoming tasks.”

8. Encourage and Make the Fault Seem Easy to Correct

When giving feedback, frame the issue as something easily fixable. This reduces the person’s stress and makes them feel more confident in their ability to improve.

Example:
“With just a few adjustments, I think we can quickly resolve this and get back on track.”

9. Make the Other Person Happy About the Change

If you can present your feedback as an opportunity for the person to succeed or grow, they’ll be more enthusiastic about making the change. Show them how the adjustment will benefit them and the team.

Example:
“By staying on top of these deadlines, we’ll be able to finish the project ahead of schedule—imagine what that will mean for the team!”

By applying these strategies, you can deliver feedback in a way that’s both positive and effective—even when it’s negative. The goal is to inspire improvement, not create conflict, and with these tips, you’ll be able to give feedback confidently and respectfully.

Keep Learning

Loved these takeaways? Don’t stop now—go even deeper with these insights from “How to Win Friends and Influence People” about How to Motive Your Team More Effectively. Click here to dive in!

Also, download your free audio training of the three must-know leadership communication skills for non-native speakers here.

If you’re ready to elevate your English communication and executive presence, or if you're looking for training resources for the international leaders in your company, book a call today at TanniaSuarez.com, or learn more about my Leadership Communication Accelerator here.